Stop Calling It Your ‘Little Thing’: How Minimizing Your Work Keeps You Stuck
Why is it that smart, capable women downgrade their business or art with language that sabotages money and momentum? Get the backstory and discover ways to start speaking differently.
“I guess I’m just so scared,” she said. I could hear the tremor in her voice escaping through the forced smile. Her name was Lorrie.
We were on a mastermind call for businesswomen. Most of us hadn’t met before. We were connected by the wholeheartedness of the company that ran the event, which taught women to be their best selves.
I found myself irritated at Lorrie and simultaneously wishing I could hug her. She came across as someone trapped in a life bungee-corded with kids, a spouse, and daily expectations. All of it mushed together, muting her desire to put herself out there with her dream of opening a crafting business.
The irritation I felt—embarrassed as I was to admit it—was because I could see myself in her.
I spent years feeling scared, holding myself back from reaching for better-fit clients who could pay much higher fees. And for no good reason.
I told myself I needed to learn more first…
I self-argued that the timing wasn’t right…
I constantly looped back to the how of it all, thinking there was still a lot to figure out.
But, like Lorrie, it was really just fear holding me back. It’s why, when asked about what I did for a living, I’d mumble things like: Oh, I’m just a writer. I write from home, on the side. I only do it because I love it. Blahdy-blah blah blah.
And so I zipped up my dreams and sat stationary, ambition dimming with each passing day.
That is, until I had a roomful of girlfriends tell me, “Oh HELL no, Mindy. You’re not gonna stuff it like that. Because YOU are the problem.”
Yikes! Mean! Except they were right. And it changed me.
Pick and Choose These Carefully
If you’d like a similar wake-up moment, start with this question: Have you ever used any of the following phrases in reference to your business, your pursuit, or your money-making endeavor?
“My little side thing”
“Just a hobby”
“I dabble in…”
“I’m not really an artist/entrepreneur, I just…”
“It’s not a real business yet; I only…”
I—we—say these things to minimize our effort. Not intentionally, of course.
But because if we say the opposite… “I’m launching a business with the goal to help X number of people and make a million in revenue”…
Then it feels scary, impossible, false, and worst of all, like we’re flinging open the door to our deepest desires and leaving ourselves vulnerable to all the judgers and haters.
But this is an important point of acknowledgement, because there is something to be said for not allowing the doubters in. After all, we’re mere mortal humans. I don’t think it matters how strong and confident you get… words can hurt. Skeptics can shut you down.
So the first takeaway I want to share is to choose your cheerers carefully.
How to Put This Into Practice
When someone in your circle asks about what you’re up to or what your business is, it’s completely okay to withhold. (I’m an over-sharer. This was a hard lesson.)
But also, you don’t want to minimize your answer with self-defeating words. A simple, “I run a business in [niche]” works great. And you can leave it at that.
If pressed for details, respond with “It’s complicated—but thank you for your interest.” Or “I can’t get into that right now, but it’s nice of you to ask.” (I’m a big fan of adding gratitude to everything… kind of ends the conversation on a high note, especially when your goal is to end the conversation.)
At the same time, it’s important and empowering to tell someone what you’re doing. You just want to make sure it’s someone who will support you regardless.
This is where you take a careful look at your friends and family and decide who you’ll be open with. You don’t have to tell them all. (Another great lesson from the archives of over-sharing.)
And having someone cheering you on from the home front is great. But even more important is to have others who support you who know what you’re going through, who are facing the same thing, or who have been there themselves.
That’s where it’s useful to link up with others in mastermind groups, business training cohorts, or training sessions. Even if your fellow business-builders are in different industries offering services unlike yours, they’ll still share the same burning drive to get their thing out in the world.
And that means everything when you’re building something new and you just want to be seen and heard.
The Invisible Bar
The other landmine when it comes to minimizing language around your professional pursuits is that, in most cases, you’ve set yourself an invisible bar. For example: “I’ll call it a real business when…” (insert revenue, follower count, team size, book deal, etc.).
Invisible bars are the product of fear. Maybe it’s fear of judgment, fear of failure, fear of success, or not wanting to make others uncomfortable.
And these fears—which get me so steamed up because I battle them all, too—are mostly rooted in gendered and cultural issues.
It’s especially the case for women. We’re taught to be humble and likable. Don’t be too much. Don’t get too full of yourself. Don’t, stop, wait, hold on, not now…
Truly, there’s so much language and expectation holding us back that I used to think it’s a wonder any woman ever got any business or anything off the ground.
So what separates all the powerful, business-tycoonish ladies from the rest of the fearful feminine?
While a lot is linked to where you’re coming from in terms of culture and family and religion and norms, there are a few simple things that can work for any woman or anyone building a business, regardless of your background.
Your Power Sentence
Start by acknowledging the power of your own words. When you call your new business a “little hobby” or “just a side thing,” it keeps you rooted in hobby-level energy and passive commitment.
It also damages your self-belief. By downplaying your own efforts, you’re creating a chasm between what you know you’re capable of and what you’re saying out loud.
Minimizing language also makes it difficult for others to take your work seriously. That means it’s harder to charge appropriately, get quality referrals, or be seen as a go-to expert in your field of expertise.
Instead, draft a default sentence. Think of it as a positive, straightforward take on the elevator pitch. For example:
“I’m an illustrator. I specialize in…”
“I run a copywriting studio that helps…”
“I’m building a coaching business focused on…”
For me, the right line became “I help creative women and business professionals flip imposter fears into scalable income that’s $80K and beyond.”
Once I started saying it, it felt right. And it became true.
Next, make some low-stakes changes. Update your email signature and social bio. Send a quick message to describe your work to the friends who already cheer you on.
Finish it all up with an affirmation you can say or write about yourself daily. This one’s all for you, so make it extra juicy: “I’m a creative/smart/talented/gorgeous woman using her gifts to help others in the world succeed in the highest and best way possible.”
Or something like that. You get the gist.
Bottom line: Drop the tiny, shadow-casting language that you and I and my friend Lorrie once leaned on, and build words and sentences that give you a solid foundation of confidence and truth.
And if you’re interested in imposter-flip coaching so you can launch and scale the worthwhile business of your dreams, I’d love to hear from you. Please click here to apply.
Strong message indeed ! Thanks for reminding.