Most of us learned that you do the work first and the R&R comes later.
And absolutely, there’s something to be said for knocking out a to-do list and then reveling in some serious rest and relaxation.
But when you’re building a business that draws from your judgment and your voice, you can’t run on empty. Doing so costs you real money.
The same is true if you’re trying to write a book to package up your expertise. Those pages will stay blank as long as your thoughts are washed out and diluted.
The simple but unlikely solution?
Taking beautiful care of yourself. Literally. To the point where you make it part of your job description. Make it a non-negotiable.
Because the truth is, the work will never be finished. The book will always benefit from one more round of edits. The business can always grow from another iteration, or a new offer, or a different approach. There will always be another email to send, another client request to navigate, another load of laundry once you leave your office, another kid who needs shuttling from here to there...
Let’s face it: if rest is only allowed after the work is done, it will not ever come.
The Price of Being Tired
In our culture, exhaustion is usually referred to as a feeling we get that is unpleasant and that we would like to eliminate. That’s why we invest in copious amounts of caffeine, supplements, and super-citrusy aromatherapy diffusers.
But in a business, tired is a limitation. It skews your judgment and wears down your defenses.
How? A multitude of ways:
Being tired means you’re more likely to say yes to a client you know is wrong for you because it’s easier than having the courage to turn them down.
Being tired means you knock 20% off your price before anyone even asks you to, because you don’t have the energy to stand firm in your offer.
Being tired means you write a sales email that hedges and apologizes because your confidence is weak so it’s harder to stand strong in your claims.
Being tired means you skip the follow-up email because you don’t have the bandwidth to write anything else, even knowing that the follow-up is where most of the sales actually happen.
Granted, it’s not like you’re making a decision to do any of these things at a smaller capacity than you would otherwise. A lot of times it just feels like survival.
But when you add it all up, you become the woman who’s charging too little, with not enough outreach, who constantly needs more clients, which feels overwhelming, which only serves to make you more tired.
It’s an exhausting loop, isn’t it?
The Burnout/Burn-Down Cycle
The truth is that tired women undercharge and then they need more clients. More often than not they burn out before they realize the crucial change they need to make. (Trust me, I’ve lived this.)
Take a moment to think about what your product actually is. If you’re a consultant, a coach, a writer, a designer, or anyone else who sells what you know, your product stems from you.
Even if it’s something you learned about in school or got a degree or certification for, it’s still packaged with your judgment, your voice, your willingness to be seen and heard. It’s you saying:
This is what I think.
This is how I package it.
This is how I stand behind it.
This is how I can use it to help you.
Ironically, those are the first things to go when you’re running on fumes. That judgment slips, your voice goes flat, showing up in public feels impossible, and the idea of a successful business? It fades slowly away.
But as a woman business owner or a woman business author, you are special and important. Think about it:
A factory can run on worn-out, rusting machines for ages before anyone notices quality problems.
But we are mere mortal women. We cannot do that.
When we wear down, the work comes tumbling down with us. The slip in quality is apparent to clients even if they can’t put a word to what happened or what is happening.
This is the magic of self-care, and the reason I’ve stopped thinking of self-care as any kind of a reward. Truly, it’s an input, and it should be as much a part of your business as your laptop or your calendar because it’s what your work is made of.
The Trap of “I’ll Rest Once I’ve Earned It.”
The most important take-home here is that you do not earn rest. And that’s because you will never truly earn it.
The bar will keep moving. When you do finally take a break, there’ll be a pile of guilt along with it so you won’t really get to savor the rest anyway. (If you’ve ever spent a whole vacation checking email, you know what I mean.) 🙋🏻♀️🙋🏻♂️🙋🏻
I want to encourage you to make rest a fundamental, scheduled part of your day for the sole purpose of growing your business. Sounds like luxury, but the reality is that it’s smart and it works.
I’m not saying you need to go on a month-long retreat where you sit on a yoga mat and eat only organic food (though I would not pass up that opportunity!).
Here are three simple self-care steps you can take right now:
Schedule thinking time on your calendar before client time. Map out one block a week, maybe on Monday, or even an hour at the beginning of each day, for nothing but thinking.
Maybe that’s going to be about your business, your offer, or the book you keep meaning to start. Schedule that first and treat it like a client meeting that you can’t cancel.
Now, because we’re talking about thinking, it’s okay if that includes taking a walk while you think, or going to a spin class, or meditating, or sitting in a steam shower. That last one is my favorite and I do it every Wednesday: thinking while steaming.
Stop giving away whatever it is that drains you most. Everyone has one of these, but it’s different for all of us.
Maybe it’s the free quick call that usually runs longer than the allotted 15 minutes. Maybe it’s the favor for a former client, like jumping on a webinar for an interview that’s unpaid.
Maybe it’s that extra round of edits that you never charge for because you like the person who asked you to do it.
Pick whatever it is that drains you most and stop. No long explanation needed. The simple phrase “I can’t” will work in your favor here.
Do your hardest work at your best hour. Everybody has a different magic time when their brain works best. For a lot of women, that hour is in the morning and usually gets siphoned off to email, errands, or somebody else’s emergency.
Take that hour back for the work that only you can do because those emails will still be there. The errands will still be asking to get done and most emergencies are not true emergencies and can be put off.
Take back that time for the work that only you can do.
Note that none of this is selfish. When you put it into practice (and you’re sitting in a sauna somewhere at the beginning of the day without having returned a single email, simply so you can “think” a little bit), it’s going to feel awkward. That’s okay. Putting yourself first takes practice.
It’s not supposed to feel like you’re taking something from someone else, so I want you to really focus on how putting yourself first will only give back to your clients, customers, colleagues, children, and anybody else who takes from you.
This all comes from watching my clients over the years, and having gone through this transition myself. For years, I put myself fifth in line, after the kids, the clients, the deadlines, and whoever happened to need something that day.
I thought that was what dedication and showing up looked like but really it was the fastest way for me to run out of fuel.
I want you to know that you are allowed to move to the front of the line. Your business, your clients, the book that’s waiting on you — all of it will be better for it.
Most importantly, you will be happier and from that happiness everyone around you will benefit.
If you found this post helpful, would you please consider restacking it and sharing it with your audience?
This spreads the word about the importance of women business owners taking good care of themselves—and the more healthy & happy women in our community, the more advice and examples we can share. 🙏
Oh I frequently struggle with this! I’ve got to the point where I totally agree with everything here, but it’s still hard to accept rest as part of the working process when I’m actually resting. It still feels like laziness, even though I know it’s part of the process. Maybe it just takes consistent practice!
The strongest idea here is that rest is not a reward after the work is finished, because the work is never really finished. I also like the way exhaustion is tied to judgment, pricing, boundaries, and confidence rather than treated as just a feeling. That makes self-care sound less like indulgence and more like part of the work itself.